thoughts of a fledgling....

I did not shed a tear when I left college yet I yearn for it the most right now. I still remember the day when we were supposed to leave our campus forever, the day unlike others begun at 5.45 A.M. in the morning with me getting up to see off a friend leaving then. There were I think hardly 15 people left in the whole campus and it was so eerie to be there at such a time with the juice centre closed down, the nescafe shut, and even the monginis closing at 8 P.M. I know quite unbelievable. Coming back to the day I was going to leave the campus, after the goodbyes, I went back to the hostel, had a bath and was impatient to leave the campus not realising how sorely I am going to miss it. Everything packed it was time to bid adieu to my room, my second home for the past three years and then I left, never looking back once, glad it was over.
Few of my friends said you won't miss college as in not the buildings just the people we met in there but what I miss the most is the people in those buildings. I can't believe I am not going back to stay, to plan outings on weekends, to just sip Ice tea at nescafe, to the walks at night, no cribbing about mess food, no trips to the SC cafe, no hanging out at monginis till it closses or hovering over the foodstalls in WAVES, QUARK, etc. etc. I am so jealous of those who get to go back to enjoy college once again with all the enthusiasm they can for now they have seen the real world....
Maybe I miss college beacuse it always feels so insecure outside out here , about not knowing how things are supposed to be, about not knowing how one should do things the right way... Being the second batch in a new college it was us who set the standards about how things should be done... noone to check us , maybe later it got changed but when we were getting acquainted with our college there was hardly any apprehension. Maybe I miss college because I am just out of it and it will take time for me to get used to this new found unsettling feeling about being stuck nowhere at all..... Maybe after two this whole year of PS I won't miss college as m,uch as I do now. But right now everything is measured in terms of how it happened in college, sharing a room with two or for that matter even one other person is unthinkable for we have been spoilt by giving single rooms since our very first semester, sleeping at 11 in the night is almost next to impossible for we are used to go to sleep when we hear birds chirping outside, even good food surprises us as we are used to mess food, sitting in a small cubicle for 7 hours irritates us for we are not even used to sitting 50 mins in one place, and more importantly keeping quiet more than four-fifths of those seven hours makes me wonder was I ever called a loquacious person. I can't even write down the thousands of other differences which I wish to write for it is almost time for my bus back home , to go and go through a word list, eat food , sleep, get ready in the morning and again come back for seven hours of pondering what made me come here.....

Bengaluru... the struggle begins...

Almost a month in blore and still I haven't grown fond of this city... Did it take me this long a time to fall in love with Mumbai? I don't remember. 'The only thing constant in this world is change' I was of the opinion that I can adjust with changes but these past few weeks in b'lore really tempts me to rethink this point. But then again its normal to resist the changes.... the changes in everything?? from the time I go to bed to the time I spend reading or to the time I want to do something I like. A few months back people used to ask me my secret about staying awake till 3 and again attending all the classes from 8 to 5. Well they should see me now lying half asleep in the sofa of my sister's place at 10.00PM and sometimes going into deep slumber without having dinner. Somehow I have not been able to digest this fact. I think it kind of comes with the work culture, "Early to bed and early to rise" has surprisingly become the way I function these days. I don't know about anyone else but somehow this is totally new for me.

There was almost a gap of 20 days in which I didn't switch on my laptop nor did watch an episode of FRIENDS nor did TP on facebook, everything has changed and I am still in a fix to decide whether it has changed for good or bad.

A typical day now starts with the alarm going off at 7.00 A.M. and me keep snoozing it until the time shows 7.15, I get up and get ready and till now haven't been able to catch my bus to PS which comes at 8.10, quite contradictory to me getting up at 7.45 and still having plenty of time to have breakfast and stroll towards the classroom for morning tuts in the campus. Then comes the gigantic task of haggling with the auto wallahs and finally reaching the office at 9.00 and somehow stay till 5.30. That's when my bus comes back from office. Though it only takes 10 minutes to reach home from office, all I need is a bed to doze off... but that's also not possible for after coming back I have to go through the stupid word list , from which I forget almost two-third of the words. Anyways the fact that I am still living out of my suitcase irritates me the most, even my brush and paste are in my travel bag. I have moved four times already and the fifth one is in order, hopefully this is the final time I have to shift.

I really want to like B'lore and am making huge efforts towards it, but somehow it seems a lost cause now...... I don't want it to be like this. I have to stay a whole year....

Till now I have made myself accept all the bad things thinking that I'll adjust, I always do... but its coming to be a month now... When ??

It shocks me to find myself in a mood to do nothing nothing at all, not even listen to music ( :( ) but when I do its the best thing in the world full of changes, there is still something that wont change ever.... and I am glad I don't have to adjust in this... Music seems to be the only bulwark from the callous cold world outside.

Right now I have sore throat so sore that I can even laugh without hurting and only thing I want is my hostel room GH4-350 and a kettle with warm water, and a chick flick... ahhhh the golden days... Please come back just once .... just once...