Innocent Wishes

When we were a kid, what did we want? A li'l more freedom, the extra ice-cream, chocolates, the ability to watch TV for a longer time, not have a routine time to turn in, innocent wishes, innocent demands... When did wishes become so complicated, when did your wishes do freaking complicated.. I still wait for a day, when someone smiling at me would make me happy... As a kid I used to love everything, love going to school, love waiting for weekends, when I didn't have to stay in creche, love eating occasional junk food... love when papa used to bring something as simple as new stationery for school, love when Mumma baked a cake for you on your birthday... I do not want to dwell on the fact that I am not happy here, but it keeps coming back, like a reminder post-it on my wall... I hate that I am not happy here... For the first time in my life I watched a movie alone today in a hall ... it made me think, why the hell am I rotting 16000 miles away from my home, from the people whom i love, more importantly the people who love me, at this godforsaken place. Its been two days since the new Harry Potter movie has been released and I haven't seen it. It wouldn't be the cool thing to do, but its my thing.. I don't want to like sophisticated stuff when I love doing so called 'kid' things... I am scared of losing will to do anything. I have lost the will to do good, to look good, to be good, all I want is for this phase to be over.... Some day will come when the tears will dry up, the will to live gone... I fear this happening to me.... I haven't been myself for even one day after I have come over...